You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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