I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
