How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
