Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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