his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
