I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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