Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
