You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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