God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There's always time for handjobs
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
