My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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