Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
