Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
