We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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