Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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