He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
