Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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