i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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