just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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