And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
