NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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