So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry about my life...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
