i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
