Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
