But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
