lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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