I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You're like the curious george of whores
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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