Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
