why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
