You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
