We won't sleep together?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
