He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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