I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
MIDGETS
????
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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