Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
