Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
how do flat chested girls get laid?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
