I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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