Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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