so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
