Who did Billy Mays play for?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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