Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
