ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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