Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
