please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
