someone owes me an orgasm
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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