nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
