the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
