You smell like a Billy Joel song
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
