how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
