I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
