K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
