He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
