the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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