somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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