Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
