his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
