Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
