Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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