I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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