So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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