any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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